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Joke of the Day

"When the pilot says, ""This is your captain speaking,"" I like to brush the hair from his eyes and whisper, ""This is your passenger listening"""

"5's friend told him his mom makes play doh. Thanks Pinterest. I'm already expected to cook 3 meals a day, now I have to cook their toys too?"

"What does it sounds like when a Japanese Homer Simpson forgets how to count to 11? ""Nin, ten, *Doh*"" ....I'll leave now."

"Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with."

"Beer without alcohol is like a vibrator with no batteries... It fills you up nicely but lacks the buzz..."

"Kudos to therapists for resisting the natural urge to top other people's problems."

"Why do Computer Scientists always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!"

"Dark humor never gets old. Just like children in Africa."

"Penis nicknames My ex-girlfriend nicknamed my penis after her favorite rapper, Biggie. So I nicknamed her boobs after my favourite country band, Rascal Flatts."

"I try not to judge my barber for his weight but.. He could be a hair trimmer."