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Joke of the Day

"If Batman doesn't wear underwear with my picture all over them, then this relationship is as one-sided as I feared."

"Wanna hear a joke about Sodium Hybromite? NaBrO"

"Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted"

"I set up a camera to record my wife for our sex tape I didn't realize it was motion activated so it didn't record a thing."

"""I have a friend..."" ""I have a friend who watches Japanese anime and likes vandalising Renaissance art with drawing pins."" ""Really?"" ""Yeah, he loves A Tack on Titian!"""

"I like bald eagles. They taste almost just like baby seals."

"Me: pretty much any name can be unisex My son Stephanie: I hate you dad"

"Why are the undead so angry all the time? They have mummy issues."

"How do you tell two witches apart? You can't! You don't know which witch is which!"

"Watch My lesbian friend gave me a Timex for my birthday. I don't think she understood me correctly when I said I wanna watch."