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Joke of the Day

"And the bartender asks, ""What'll you have?"" A tachyon walks into a bar."

"Girls named Miranda never think it's funny when you tell them they have the right to remain silent."

"I was walking in a cemetery this morning and I spotted a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, ""Morning.""He replied, ""No, just having a shit."""

"Did you hear about the fortune teller that... Had bad breath, calluses all over his body and couldn't win a fight? He was a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with halitosis."

"How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution."

"I'm really good at telling old jokes, and fixing fences... I guess I'm just good at reposting"

"Now that dogs have been shown to be able to sniff out cancer, is this the end for the cat scan?"

"Today is the 1 year anniversary of the day i decided to get sober. And tomorrow is the anniversary of the day I decided sobriety wasn't for me."

"Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks? Because they were neckromancers"

"""American Pie"" ruined it for any kid that actually DOES have an amazing story from band camp."