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Joke of the Day

"So I'm about to have a unilateral orchiectomy (true story)... and I say to the urologist surgeon, ""I guess the ball's in your court now"""

"I call my dick hard times.. Cuz birches always be falling on it"

"As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers.... I muttered under my breath, ""Fat fucking cows."" ""What was that?"" snapped my wife. ""You herd."""

"Took a screenshot with my iPhone with the intention of texting a picture of my cracked screen.So the answer is no I didn't graduate college."

"Taylor Swift Stabs Lucky Fan 1,989 times."

"Jared from subway lost his job the same way he got it. By getting into smaller pants."

"I need to get one of those gadgets for my camera so I can take pictures of myself. I think it's called a narciss-stick."

"In my doctor's waiting room, I explained to a WWII veteran what a Twitter follower count is. I think he regrets winning the war now."

"Why is it important to have plenty of help when changing a light bulb? Many hands make light work."

"Why did the polish spy fail in his mission to blow up Hitlers car. He kept burning his lips on the muffler."