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Joke of the Day

"Me: God, I just feel so Brain: HUNGRY M: No, I'm very alone. I desperately want B: FOOD M: Part of me is missing. All I need is B: PRINGLES"

"Why do men like to be on bottom during sex? Cause they only know how to fuck up."

"Bernie supporters voting for Trump isn't like drinking bleach, its like drinking castor oil... we know its going to be awful, but we have something we *really* need to get rid of."

"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because he was dead."

"""What happened?"" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend... ""I got fired."" He replied."

"What happens when you flip an 8 to it's side? Everything, given enough time"

"What is 1x times D xD"

"The hour I lose from daylight savings time will now be multiplied by 6 as I try to change the time on the clock in my car."

"What's a Russian's favorite food? Vladimir Poutine"

"What is it Lassie? Timmy fell down a well? Earthquake in LA? The Russians are coming? You found a plane? No? ...Oh, you want another beer."