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Joke of the Day

"Me: God, I just feel so Brain: HUNGRY M: No, I'm very alone. I desperately want B: FOOD M: Part of me is missing. All I need is B: PRINGLES"

"A pirate with a steering wheel on his crotch walks into a bar The bartender says, ""You know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"" And the pirate replies, ""Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"""

"They call them ""reality shows"" but none of them are about drunk people scrolling through meaningless crap on the internet all night."

"When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed."

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up, You could plug it into your computer And watch them over again."

"Giving me a Milkbone after sex does not make it doggy style"

"The thin,healthy, smart people are really missing out on some horrible food at Burger King."

"What's the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into a dumpster and hitting an accordion with it."

"When you wish upon a star ... you're actually a few million years late, according to astronomy. The star is dead. Just like your dreams."

"The coolest thing about being a dog must be the ability to use your own ass for a pillow."