20842

Joke of the Day

"When you wish upon a star ... you're actually a few million years late, according to astronomy. The star is dead. Just like your dreams."

"Know why New Yorkers are so cynical? For them, the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey."

"There's a one-eyed doctor round my way that gives out free body parts. He gives me the willies."

"A duck walked into a bar... And was quickly escorted out as no animals were allowed in the bar."

"What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Udder Destruction. I swear this joke is funnier in person. Try it, trust me. Panty dropper for sure."

"Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from? I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez."

"One of the best ways to disguise the sound of a fart is to do it during the 4 claps in the Friends theme song."

"Why is Chuck Norris still alive? ## Because he's afraid of meeting Bruce Lee on the other side! Credit: Saw the comment in this [tribute video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8wL3AA4BP0) [1:55]"

"What do you call a black man flying a plane A pilot"

"I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes."