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Joke of the Day

"My friend drowned last week, so I had a wreath made in the shape of a life jacket in his memory. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted. -Milton Jones"

"My favorite part of sex is when I'm actually having some."

"Almost arrested for drugs and rape ""I didn't take the drugs, i feed the drugs to the girls than raped them"" -Bill cosby"

"Our welcome mat is missing its L. I'd leave it that way but I'm afraid it'll look like we're bragging."

"Today TO DO list: 1) vacuum huge spider in living room 2) panic 3)throw vacuum cleaner outside 4)buy new spiderless vacuum"

"I guess I'll go to your party but answer the next question VERY CAREFULLY: will there be a cheese tray"

"Sometimes for fun I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they open the door I say ""Hey! Sorry I'm late."""

"My new girlfriend wants to meet my dad But I do too."

"What's a zombie's favorite snack? Fritos"

"Friendship. (A bit of a dark humour) Friend: I need to save money... Me: Get a life vest Me: And some rope. Friend: Why do I need the life vest? Me: If you have to ask, you might not need one."