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Joke of the Day

"I saw on the news that when snorted, nutmeg becomes a mild hallucinogen. So I'm going to work today 'megged the fuck outta my mind."

"What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite movie? IT'S FUCKING FROZEN"

"There are three kinds of people on this earth. Those who can count ... And those who can't."

"Give a man a fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of the night. Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"I can do number tricks in my head They do cartwheels and handstands."

"If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works."

"I was talking to my Jewish doctor friend... And I asked him how much he charges for a curcumcision. He said that he does it for free, but he gets to keep the tip."

"Don't regret past mistakes. All of your decisions, good and bad, led you to where you are today. Disregard this if you are in prison."

"What do you call a Social Justice Warrior in a society of strippers? The thot police! ^^^^PleaseDon'tBeTooHardOnMe."

"What do you call a reliable coke dealer? Instagram"