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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her 10 years to live."

"Making plans with a stoner is like having sex with a prostitute... ...They tell you they're coming, but you know it's a lie."

"I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy. ""Making breakfast. ;)"" ""Walking the dog. ;)"" ""Broke in to your house ;)"""

"I still eat around bruised parts of fruit like a scared 4-year-old."

"The keurig machine at work acts like its going to give me coffee, but it turns off at the last minute. I feel like I'm getting brew balls."

"A pedophile chicken has sex with an egg... Obviously the chicken came first."

"Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, a feather off a hawk and the blood of a unicorn."

"Paying for things with hugs Because it's legal tender."

"I have a cast iron fetish I guess you could say I'm pansexual"

"Are you a psychic porn star? Because you're blowing my mind"