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Joke of the Day

"Me: Can I please sleep? Brain: No. Now sing Mambo #5 again. Me: But I hate that song! Brain: I don't give a shit! Me: 1, 2, 3-4-5..."

"What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb? If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner."

"I was let down in life by two people My mum, my dad and my maths teacher"

"What was the vacant lot's favorite Spoon song? Don't Make Me A Target"

"If eHarmony were honest, it would pair some people with a room full of cats."

"Why does Michael Scott hate Hamlet? Toby or not Toby"

"Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come along? They only run a skeleton service."

"What do you call it when a non-binary gendered couple has a legal dispute over custody of their children? A transparency review."

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... ...because they always take things literally."

"Are you a beaver? ...'cuz damn."