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Joke of the Day

"How much rest does a bad Sheppard get? Not a ton, he has a lot of sheepless nights."

"What's the key to a good joke? .....................................Timing."

"NSFW Every time I see a picture of a girl and think ""I'd do her"" I have to remind myself... I'll never get the grade school yearbooks done like that."

"[iphone vibrates] 3yo: daddy someone is texting you [landline phone rings] 3yo: what is that sound?"

"I read a joke about the British pound... But it didn't make any cents to me"

"How many people does it take to make a joke on /r/Jokes? Three. One to post it, one to make a better punchline in the comments, and one to repost it the next day."

"What's the best way to turn a pussy into a dick? Give it a badge."

"[at checkout counter] Would ya like to donate $1 to- -No But you didn't let me finish -Is it $1 toward you shutting your mouth? No -Then no"

"GOOD COP: Give us a name! PERP: Never! TED TALK COP: Imagine a world where every single human has- PERP: Okay I'll talk, please just stop!"

"Where do Jewish kids with Attention Deficit Disorder go in the summer? To concentration camp."