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Joke of the Day

"GOOD COP: Give us a name! PERP: Never! TED TALK COP: Imagine a world where every single human has- PERP: Okay I'll talk, please just stop!"

"Why would Helen Keller be a horrible driver? Because she's dead."

"The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information"

"Fish with no eyes What do you call a fish with no eyes? -A ""FSH"""

"Walking past a new employee's desk & yelling, ""Do you think it's a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?"" will never get old."

"Friends and lovers may come and go but allergies are forever."

"Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm a pickup artist. Her: Pig! [leaves] Him: *sighs* [puts away prints of exquisitely painted Ford F-150s]"

"I went to the largest campsite in germany it was mein kampf by blitz creek"

"A blue man lives in a blue house, a red man lives in a red house, who lives in the white house? Donald Trump."

"Aristotle said we are what we repeatedly do. Therefore, I am your mother."