123305

Joke of the Day

"NSFW Every time I see a picture of a girl and think ""I'd do her"" I have to remind myself... I'll never get the grade school yearbooks done like that."

"A midget was escaping prison... A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me. I thought to myself, ""well that's a little condescending""."

"there was this confusing 'do not touch' sign in the mall. I just can't put my finger on it."

"How do you see that a linedancer came from Belgium and not from the Netherlands? He wears the cardboard box on his boots."

"What was used to grow crops on Mars in the movie Martian? Good Shit"

"My wife is scrolling through Netflix to see what shows I watched between now and when she asked me to vacuum. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

"Today feminists asked me how I view lesbians Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."

"If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.' Edit: better grammar/phrasing."

"I couldn't remember my speech at a funeral today so I improvised with a magic trick and sawed the coffin in half"

"""Your resume says you've been to prison?"" Me: Sorry, that's a mistake ""So you haven't?"" Me: I have, I just didn't mean to put it on there"