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Joke of the Day

"TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once Whoops, wrong sub"

"My trainer told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective. I hit her with a Thunderbolt and locked her in her own Pokeball."

"A drunken man speaks what a sober man thinks."

"I tried committing suicide today Not going to do that again almost killed myself"

"Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is."

"How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!"

"[ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby"

"My pants say yoga but my ass says more cupcakes please"

"Did you hear about the midget that got kicked out of the nudist colony? He was getting into everybody's hair..."

"What do you call a homosexual on fire that jumps into water? A flameboyant homosexual"