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Joke of the Day

"[ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby"

"I like my women like I like my whiskey At least 18 years old and mixed up with coke"

"Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired Manager: Um... [changes sign to ""Vintage Hams""] Hipster: I'll take 4"

"Waiter waiter! There's a wasp in my dessert. So that's where they go to in the winter."

"You eat what (phonetic joke)? Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop I eat mop who?"

"There's never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself "" thank god the cops are here"""

"According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it..."

"One of the main differences between men and women Is the meaning of the phrase, ""I used an entire box of tissues watching that movie."""

"I met the girl of my dreams, but it turned out she was my cousin... Lesson learned: Don't flirt at family reunions"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amin ! Amin who ? Amin man!"