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Joke of the Day

"Dentist switches lamp on: ""Now open wide"" Moth dental assistant: *repeatedly flies into bulb* Dentist: ""This has to stop Denise"""

"Why did Heisenberg have a miserable sex life? Because when he found the correct position, he didn't have the momentum, and when he finally found the time, he didn't have the energy."

"Native Americans watch the movie 1492 backwards because they want to see a happy ending."

"When you turn on a light and the bulb burns out it's because you suck and that bulb would rather kill itself than hang out with you."

"What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ? Stop crying and viper your nose !"

"Her: when you said ""magical in bed"" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit"

"Why did the Tumblr killed the Reddit fan? Because Reddit SUCKS."

"""How many people here believe in ghosts?"""

"Ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog."

"I used to have a fear of speed bumps But I'm slowly getting over it"