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Joke of the Day

"While I was watching the prison wall, a little midget starting climbing over it and smirked at me And I thought to myself, ""That's a little condescending""."

"My boyfriend doesn't believe in labels, which is probably why he drank all that bleach"

"I bet there is just a lot of awkward silence after a mime orgy."

"5 years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that girl to marry me. She said no both times."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, glass ceilings don't have light bulbs."

"That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died."

"This is the first Super Bowl party I've been to where there are babies. Not sure what to do. Do I, like, offer them a beer or something?"

"What did the people who hung Jesus to the cross say? Nailed it"

"I would love to start working out, but I'm beefing up for my ""before"" picture."

"The girl saw he had big hands and big feet... She thinks it over a minute, and invites herself to his house for the night. As she's leaving, she says ""Well, two out of three ain't bad!"""