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Joke of the Day

"This is the first Super Bowl party I've been to where there are babies. Not sure what to do. Do I, like, offer them a beer or something?"

"Name your newborn Cylinder so the day he finishes high school he'd become a Graduated Cylinder"

"I hear Donald Trump has been endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church He's called for a ban on contraception. He wants to make America mate again"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It got sick of hearing the vegan talk about how he saved a chicken."

"What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?"

"Paraguay-Uraguay in the final would be so guay."

"How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard."

"First time I saw the Trojan bare skin condoms I was like, what? Bear skin? That seems unpleasant."

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar He orders a martini. The bartender asks, ""Olive or twist?"""

"Her: Something's changed in here. Me: I put a new bulb in. Her: Well it's not very bright Bulb: Okay wow I'm like right here."