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Joke of the Day

"Why does Pope Francis call his dick Santa? Because he comes to the good kids only."

"Today I found out my roommate was pansexual... Needless to say I was pretty shocked when I woke up and found him in bed with all of our kitchenware."

"i never dreamed that little pictures on a screen would feel like friends... yet here i am."

"Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch? He had no attachments."

"If you are bored I recommend mass texting all of your exes ""I'm ready to give it another shot"" and then get ready for the ride of your life"

"Mr. Tripler, your U.S. Patent request for ""YO I WANNA PATENT MY NEIGHBORS CAT MORPHEUS SO HE MINE NOW"" has been declined."

"I bought some dog scented cologne the other day... Now I get all the bitches."

"I went to the doctor with severe constipation, he laughed as he took my urine sample. I think he's taking the piss but I still couldn't give a shit."

"Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang So I shot him.."

"*Flips over cards* It was your TC in the KIK room with the retweeter."