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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor with severe constipation, he laughed as he took my urine sample. I think he's taking the piss but I still couldn't give a shit."

"My son would've been 4 yo today Man 1: My son would've been 4 yo today Man 2: Oh, I'm sorry man. What happened? Man 1: I pulled out."

"Did you guys hear about what Nelly thought? She thought chicken manure was jelly."

"I broke my finger today - but on the other hand I am completely fine."

"Where did the memes make their last stand? The Aylmao"

"What's the difference between Americans and ice cream? Ice cream fits in a tub."

"I'm not comfortable with the fact that there's a skeleton inside me."

"I ate a bad vegetarian kebab for lunch. Now I falafel."

"*runs my fingers thru your hair* *tightens grip* *pulls your head back* *looks you in the eye* Me: WTF do you mean you ate the last donut?"

"Did you guys hear about the catastrophic genetic flower breeding program that tried to cross an aster and a daisy? It was a dais-aster."