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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when you turn into a vampire before being bitten? Premature Edraculation"

"A cockroach walks into a bar... A cockroach walks into a bar and says ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"Dude tried to go medieval on my ass, so I went renaissance on his and confused him with my drawings of a flying machine"

"What did Helen Keller say when she fell into the snow? Nothing, she was wearing mittens."

"So, I got a card from a friend that said ""I'm Sorry"". It was all handcrafted and I didn't know what it was for, but I was flattered. I opened it and it said ""For fucking your mom"" :0 WTF!?!?!?"

"Newspapers are missing the obvious headline for Target's Canadian stores closing down... TARGET MISSES THE MARK"

"What's the difference between a chestnut and a walnut? Your aim."

"""Found"" a nest of ground bees and got stung multiple times. But I was able to remove all the stingers. So yes, my pullout game is strong."

"Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"What percentage of Scottish people are twats? 55.3%"