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Joke of the Day

"I lost my voice so basically I'm every mans dream girl right now."

"Contrary to popular belief, tigers do not holler if you catch them by the toe. Also, could someone call an ambulance?"

"Where's my cell? ""Right there."" That's not my phone. ""Yes it is. I cleaned it!"" My cell's white?"

"ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT"

"I just made up a joke. Knock knock... Who's there? A mister. A mister who? A mister rains down in Africa. ... works better if you say it out loud."

"My new years resolution is to stop biting my toenails. Nervous habit I picked up during all these meetings at work."

"I still not comfortable with how we spell coffee."

"Help is a magic word. Say it to people & watch them disappearing from the horizon of your life."

"I'm so damn tired. I haven't slept since last year."

"Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday."