92020

Joke of the Day

"TIL Steve Harvey was the valedictorian of his graduating class. Oh wait, no he wasn't. My mistake."

"What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist? A sadist is honest about his intentions. ____________________________________ That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?"

"Any question can be a rhetorical question if you walk away fast enough."

"my signature move is called ""the Mouse,"" where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon"

"How to get a date with a Clinton supporter today... Baby, want a tissue?"

"After an outage, what time does the power come back on? 12:00 --:-- 12:00 --:--"

"What does a Mexican have in common with a cue ball? The harder you hit em' the more English you get outta em'!"

"1. Dial random number. 2. Wait for answering machine. 3. Say ""My wife is out of town, I miss you"". 4. Hang up. 5. Happy Valentine's Day."

"I'm starting a fight club... First rule is tell everyone you know because I have no members yet"

"I was going to get my certification to be an official Life Coach!... ...but I just never really got around to it."