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Joke of the Day

"Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one."

"People who make me do a slight jog because they hold the door open for me when I'm 15 feet away are the first to die when I become god."

"Have you tried locking him in your trunk?"

"Q: Did you hear about the incompetent lumberjack? A: He just couldn't cut it, so he was forest fired."

"What happens when the fog clears in California? UCLA"

"What comes after 69? Student: mouthwash teacher: get out"

"PARTY GUEST: So, how did you two meet? HUSBAND: Oh, it's a bit of a fairytale, right darling? [wife is clearly a wolf in a dress] WIFE: Yes."

"Why did a hungry African man crossed the road? To get the aids."

"Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."

"Why was jesus great at rock climbing? He could find foot and hand holes"