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Joke of the Day

"Why did Patrick Stewart shave his head? So he could badly go where no man has gone before."

"Girl: My dog bit my boyfriend. Me: Your dog is a good judge of character."

"My 8 told me he likes Skillrex because it sounds like what Transformers would sound like if they quit saving the world and formed a band."

"What did UK say while leaving? It's not EU, it's me"

"Somebody broke into my house and stole the alarm system."

"Six meaty inches of protein packed bliss! No joke, the actual description of the black forest ham sandwich from Subway for their October special."

"One day, you wake up and everyone has a number over their heads. The number is counting down by the second. Eventually, someone's number reaches zero, and.... They sneeze. Their number resets."

"So, we tip the pizza delivery guy, but not ambulance drivers."

"Why did Tiger Woods get divorced? Because Tiger was a lion cheetah!"

"What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaains. I'm sorry."