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Joke of the Day

"Six meaty inches of protein packed bliss! No joke, the actual description of the black forest ham sandwich from Subway for their October special."

"6: Mommy where are you putting your cameltoe this year? Me: 6: I like it Me: It's mistletoe son"

"So they are re-releasing the movie crash... And they have recast the part of Sandra Bullock with an A320"

"Son:Dad, what is 'creeping inflation'? Father:It's when your mother starts out asking for new shoes and ends up with a complete new outfit."

"two peanuts walk into a bar one was a salted"

"You don't need to hold a girl's hand during an abortion... There's a handrail next to the toilet."

"What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle? [x-post from r/bicycling] Attire"

"Someone should write a book where the character slowly falls in love with the reader."

"if you tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry they will clean it for free"

"For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy. Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?"