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Joke of the Day

"Do you want to know what I was for discovery channel dress up day? I dressed up as naked and afraid. I was naked everybody else was afraid."

"People are so fake how can you love your newborn baby when you met it like 2 minutes ago and don't know anything about it"

"Pessimist had not sex for a long time Optimist had sex but long ago"

"Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack."

"A man brings his wife as Aspirin... She says, 'Why did you bring me this? I don't have a headache.' He says, 'Good, let's fuck!'."

"Tried to unlock my door with a banana. How am I still alive?"

"My friend didn't understand my poorly timed holocaust joke. So he asks me, ""What's a holocaust?"" And I reply ""Oh, about eleven million"""

"Just so you know, I am not going to be RTing any more racist jokes. Racism is a crime and crimes are for black people."

"Then there was the time a cement truck collided with a paddy wagon. Twelvehardened criminals escaped."

"6 yo: *yells* Mom! I'm on level 18!!!! Me: *peeks in room* PAGE 18, princess. You're reading. 6 yo: Oh"