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Joke of the Day

"Maybe I carry an axe. You don't know. I could love you to pieces..."

"Did you see the story about the psychic dwarf escaping prison? The headline was ""Small medium at large""."

"Who is Hitler's favourite character in Star Wars? Princess Leiabensraum"

"Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED? It was a black one."

"What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula."

"Karen, if you can see this, the tupperware didn't come with the lasagna. The tupperware wasn't a gift"

"I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives. Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you."

"This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik's Cube. If you kids don't know what a Rubik's Cube is, it's what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones."

"Sometimes I drink to cure my malaise. If I get drunk this Friday because I am bummed about the end of the world, am I getting sauced because of Mayan-aise?"

"*deletes embarrassing drunk tweets *tweets embarrassing sober ones"