4088

Joke of the Day

"This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik's Cube. If you kids don't know what a Rubik's Cube is, it's what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones."

"""I feel like I got off on the wrong foot."" - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance"

"The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me."

"He just gave me his last bit of bacon. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. It was a proposal right?"

"Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries? They know resistance is a waste of energy."

"How do you make an Octopus laugh? Give it ten-tickles"

"[financial advisor] based on your income and savings you can retire at age 116 [me] *slips her $100* let's make it 112 [her] now it's 120"

"How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub."

"Where do adolescent gangsters go? The childhood"

"""What rhymes with California?"" -Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song writing session ever"