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Joke of the Day

"I keep telling people my girlfriend is not retarded... But everyone keeps insisting I am fucking retarded! Just thought of it while taking a poopy! I will see myself out now."

"What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise? Lmayo."

"What happens when you put your hand in a jar of jelly beans The black ones steal your watch"

"My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot recently Last night she threw a lettuce at me. That's just the tip of the iceberg."

"Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called ""Teacher"" who kept spoiling all our fun!"

"Cheer up you won't be single forever. One day you'll die"

"My life selling houses by Con Allday"

"Is the ocean salty because... the land doesn't wave back?"

"Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks."

"I identify as an employee wherever I go. Now I can use any bathroom I need to."