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Joke of the Day

"I identify as an employee wherever I go. Now I can use any bathroom I need to."

"When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh."

"One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like ""Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"""

"What do you call a gay tramp? Hobosexual"

"A man said to me, ""Man, I was so wasted last night I went home and blew chunks!"" I said, ""most people are sick after drinking too much."" ""No, you don't understand."" he replied. ""Chunks is my pitbull."""

"I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed."

"If brevity is the soul of wit... Why the fuck are some the jokes posted here so long?"

"When is the best time to schedule a Dentist Appointment? 2:30 (Tooth Hurty)"

"What do you call parents who teach abstinence only? Grandma and grandpa."