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Joke of the Day

"I burnt 1200 calories today! I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven."

"What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall..."

"Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity."

"There I was, waiting to pay for my landscaping materials, when suddenly... ...I was charged for aggregated basalt."

"We all deserve friends like the Backstreet Boys. If you ask ""am I sexuaaaal?"" and don't get a ""yeeeeeeah!"" in response, you need a new crew."

"What do Limas Sweed and Bruce Jenner have in common? Neither can keep track of their balls"

"What do you call a boring Muslim? Abdull."

"Ever had Ethiopian food? Well, neither have they! Seriously though, donate if you can. https://donate.feedthechildren.org"

"Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first? A black guy"

"My son just hugged me. Him: You smell good. Me: Like what? Him: *sniffs* You smell like love. Me: *heart melts* Lets go to Toys R Us."