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Joke of the Day

"What do Limas Sweed and Bruce Jenner have in common? Neither can keep track of their balls"

"90% of being a parent is shouting, ""Remember to flush the toilet."" The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone."

"I'm taking your mom to the new British dollar store Pound Town."

"My dog stared at me for 10 minutes. Then, like magic, I knew he had to poop. And now, I have my own psychic show on A&E.;"

"I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song."

"*looks at crushed dead raccoon on the side of the road* i'm thinking Arby'sTM"

"Joke about a psychic and water Something something clairboyant Can't be bothered to actually write a joke but the essence is here."

"Boss: what should we call the lower cabinet in the corner that swivels? Bonnie (who hates Susan): I have an idea."

"I got kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas. I didn't cheat. I just misunderstood what the craps table was for."

"Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Wittness? They don't like any witnesses."