91301

Joke of the Day

"[walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? Mick Jagger yells ""Hey! You! Get off my cloud!"" The shepherd yells ""Hey! McLeod! Get off my ewe!"""

"So a man goes and tells his wife he's going to take the day off..."

"Did you know 50% of Asians in America have cataracts? The other half drive Lincolns"

"Codpieces aren't supposed to made out of fish? Crap! Hang on, then, I need to change."

"Two condoms drive by a gay bar... One turns to the other and says ""let's get shit-faced!"""

"My investment plan is to accumulate enough of the bank's pens to offset my overdraft fees."

"I can't help but feel important when someone says there's a special place in hell for people like me."

"I want to congratulate you on learning the definition of abundance. ""Thank you. It means a lot."""

"What did the russian say before Putin penetrated his asshole? *russian accent* Put it in Putin!"