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Joke of the Day

"Tip for twitter newbies: Before you start using twitter, please make sure this is really what you want to do with the rest of your life."

"I don't always roll a joint... But when I do it's my ankle."

"I told my sons i would buy them each a new Nerf gun. Me: ""Im going to buy you boys a new Nerf gun today"" Son: ""I don't want a Nerf gun i want a Transformer"" Me: ""It's Nerf or nothing"""

"Siracha The only cock that makes a straight man's mouth water."

"What did the oven tell the slice of bread? You're *toast*!"

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. :^)"

" ...Oh the weather outside's delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo... "

"Did you hear about the guy that only ate one chicken leg per day? He was malnourished due to his paltry (poultry) diet."

"Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting... ...or has multiple restraining orders against me?"

"Knock knock (Me -Knock knock) (You-Whos there) (Me-Dew) (You-Drew who) (Me-Drew pecock) Say it fast ^"