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Joke of the Day

"I told my sons i would buy them each a new Nerf gun. Me: ""Im going to buy you boys a new Nerf gun today"" Son: ""I don't want a Nerf gun i want a Transformer"" Me: ""It's Nerf or nothing"""

"There's nothing like finding a screw on the floor to make me wonder for the rest of the day about what's going to fall apart and kill me."

"What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A small medium at large"

"There are two types of people in life... Those who think there are two types of people in life and the rest."

"Why do Japanese women like foreign men? Japanese men can't look them in the eye. Kappa"

"There's no law against parrots calling you at work just to chat."

"What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? Decaffeinated! Bah dum dum...ting"

"So annoying how every time I go to sleep, my wife starts whispering into my ear ""Go towards the light."""

"A homeless man staggers into a bar Plot twist... it was soap. He landed a lucrative job shortly thereafter and started sweeping his problems under the rug like the rest of us."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You're a fucking rapist."