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Joke of the Day

"How does a communist do well in school? He gets good marx."

"I can tell my 5yo will make a great politician someday by the way he uses other kids as human shields in dodgeball."

"Why was the lonely instantiated object always asked to sit in the hallway at school? Because only friends were allowed to access the class."

"Opening a bag of M&M's will produce no sound to a normal human. A toddler, it's like the atomic blast at Nagasaki to those creatures"

"What's big and round and full of seamen? Your mom"

"The US Presidential choice is now all about choosing between .... .....the one who was weak with E-mails and the one who was weak with Fe-males....!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA "

"*raises the bar 16 yrs later] Bar: even though you weren't my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad. *me trying not to cry"

"It's that time of year again when I should really check in on my friends with pools or boats to see how they've been since last summer."

"Knock knock. Whose there? Doctor. Doctor who? Oh. You watch that show too?"

"i'm selfie-employed. yes sir i'll make a duck-face. right away sir."