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Joke of the Day

"Oh goodness it's Olympic Soccer. If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take some of my single friends to the bar."

"Day 3 of weight loss challenge: all my coworkers look like tacos. I do not understand how the meat remains in the shell as they walk around."

"The flag in the moon is fading into an all white flag Future generations will believe the French were there."

"Did you hear about the band the hipster liked? No, no you didn't."

"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"

"Eliminate Anime and Islam, and you secure the the existence of western culture for eternity"

"What do you call a farting Russian? Vladimir Putin ~ You can thank my 65 year old grandfather for this"

"Q. How do you get down from an aerial ladder? A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck."

"As a kid i looked up to Bill Nye the science guy, but as of today after learning about him i will probably look down on him. And people at my level would agree. I'm 6'3 and he is 6 feet tall."

"What's the difference between Texas and Russia? One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold."