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Joke of the Day

"I didn't sleep well last night so I made my coffee with redbull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car."

"*approaches drive-thru window on a camel* ""Sir, here's your 17 big macs and a large milkshake."" May I please have a straw? *camel collapses*"

"are you a female guitar player with a breathy, annoying voice? congratulations Starbucks will play your music, no questions asked"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Matt"

"Where is the best place to hide after murdering a black man? Behind a badge."

"Sometimes I want to get married just so I can have something sad to tweet about."

"[rap battle] [my opponent attempts to drop the mic, but I stealthily tied it to his finger so it just comes back up like a yo-yo]"

"Leonardo da Vinci's painting The Last Supper depicts all apostles and Jesus sitting on one side of the table. There must have been a show and karaoke."

"Three nuns are sitting on a park bench... ...when a man in a trenchcoat walks up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun has a stroke. The third nun couldn't reach."

"Y'know, I used to be quite indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."