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Joke of the Day

"What the lifelong atheist said when he reached the Pearly Gates. I'll be damned!"

"I was surprised to learn my kid failed the road driving test... ...she Tweeted three times that it seem to be going well."

"If I had wings, I'd spread them and soar like an eagle for about ten minutes then space out on a phone wire with these fat pigeons"

"What do you call a smelly man who tells terrible jokes? PUN-GENT"

"What's a hippie's favorite animal? An elk It has the E, the L, and the K. Would like to hear some more if you guys have any."

"What do you call a bad hair day for Donald Trump? A real toupee in the ass."

"Just saw a five year old in a track suit & a gold chain. His nana didn't think it was funny when I asked him if he could hook up some blow."

"If a cannibal ate a comedian... ...that could lead to some funny shit"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...hot and in my hands **right now**."

"They agree I'm funny I started my new job at the retirement center today. Told the residents that I'm a really funny guy. They didn't understand any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves."