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Joke of the Day

"Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job"

"My 84 mother to my 19: Make-up sure does wonders but you don't want your future husband waking up wondering who you are in the morning."

"With all this talk of making Puerto Rico the 51st state, I think we should find 2 more to make 53. One nation, indivisible."

"Have you heard that Eskimos eat whale meat and blubber? Well, you'd blubber too if you had to eat whale meat."

"How do you know if a girl is ticklish? Give her two test tickles."

"How does constipation work? I don't give a shit."

"I could be an Olympics commentator because I'm good at pointing and saying, ""You can tell she wants it."""

"Did you hear about the paperboy who used to masturbate on the job? No? Really? Weird, it was all over the news."

"Lately I've found my job, building kitchen work surfaces, to be counter productive."

"Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense"