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Joke of the Day

"Tim Cook officially came out of the closet... at least this is the one time when Android users can't claim that theirs came out first."

"Why does Godzilla go to temple? because he's a kaiju"

"What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak? I've banana roll lately."

"Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck"

"There's an ISIS comedy night coming up... I would go but i'm fairly certain they're all going to bomb."

"I wrote a poem about the NFL It has 32 offensive lines."

"I saw a rabbi blessing food while golfing. I mentioned that it seemed strange, but he told me it's parve for the course."

"DR DOG: *applying a cast to a broken bone* Are you sure you don't just want me to cut it off?"

"If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, what would he be famous for? Old age."

"I'm applying for a position as a mall cop.... It has good job security."