90417

Joke of the Day

"Wife: [looking at bank statement] what's this huge charge from Clones R Us? Me: [sends group text to 7 other me's] she's on to us"

"I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows."

"What is a monster's favourite drink? Demonade."

"*stares off into the distance* Distance: I have a boyfriend"

"You going to eat those sausages? - What? The encased meats. Do you want them? - Those are my fingers. Oh, no thanks, I'm not there yet."

"Why did the chick disappoint his mother ? He wasn't what he was cracked up to be !"

"I'm like a fireman, I turn the hoes on."

"To the idiots who say ghosts aren't real, maybe you should watch this documentary called Ghostbusters."

"Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN! Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN! -Me, sorting through my grandma's mail."

"America is still a British colony In England we speak English In France we speak French In Germany we speak German In China we speak Chinese In America we speak English *drops mic and leaves*"