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Joke of the Day

"*puts arm around you* You've been burned before but, you're safe with me. Let your gaurd down, girl. *steals your pizza*"

"Why would Pinocchio make a bad criminal? He wasn't cut out for this."

"Why is it OK to wash an American flag in hot water? Because these colors don't run."

"Standing in disbelief at an automated door that isn't opening for me is the closest I'll ever feel to having been born rich."

"In America child protection saves your kids from your beating In Soviet Russia child protection beats your kids"

"*climbs Mt. Everest hoping to find clarity, PEACE & a deeper understanding of myself & the world* ""When did they put a Starbucks up here?"""

"Hey, man. Can I get a cold one? ""Sorry sir, the morgue is closed after 6."""

"What do you call a minion that falls on a grill? Filet mignon"

"My wife complained that I don't give her flowers anymore. I replied that she doesn't give me blow jobs anymore."

"What Men think What is the useless skin around the vagina called? The Women"