85925

Joke of the Day

"Standing in disbelief at an automated door that isn't opening for me is the closest I'll ever feel to having been born rich."

Next Joke
 
"What's a dog's favorite mode of transportation? A waggin'"
"Asked God his thoughts on assuming genders, his reply... ""Hmmm, I guess I should have made it more obvious"""
"The director of ""A Girl in the River"" went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars"
"Charles Dickens walks into a bar He orders a martini. The bartender asks, ""olive or twist?"""
"Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational tweets are hard."
"Everyone is self-confident until they see themselves through an iPhone's front camera."
"Thanks for the free womb & board, Mom! Happy Mother's Day."
"What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Naaaaagggghhhhhhh."
"Do you know what they call yo mama's legs? ""Rock"" and ""Hard place"". Why? Because everyone has been between them at some point in their lives."