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Joke of the Day

"I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs."

"Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s. Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears."

"Why did the chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ? Aladdin the street wants a word with you !"

"what do you call a pile of kittens? a meowntain"

"I wish I had the self-confidence and assertiveness of the Adobe Acrobat updater."

"Why did the Red Hot Chili Peppers cross the road? Because they wanted to be taken to the other side."

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk but I don't want them staying at my house And that's why Uber was created"

"My love is like a candle... If you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down."

"Daughter yells ""I love bananas, the bigger the better"". Wife and I laugh hysterically, Then I die a little inside."