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Joke of the Day

"I just had my iPhone stolen. I wish I thought of this before. Best way to prevent iPhone theft? Make it look like a BlackBerry."

"I recently got fired from a calender factory All i did was take a day off"

"What starts with E, ends with E and has only one letter? An envelope!"

"Said this at dinner last night. Bit creepy, but laughs were had. ""He may die a virgin but he ain't gonna be buried one."""

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

"I'm not feeling myself today... ...would YOU do it for me?"

"I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving"

"Jesus at the Last Supper. Jesus: *breaks bread* - This is my body! *holds a glass of wine* - This is my blood. *starts to open a jar of mayo* Judas: Sorry Jesus, I will have to stop you there."

"My girlfriend started eating my ass during foreplay last night, She asked ""Have you taken a shower today?"" And I said ""What's a shower got to do with my asshole?"""

"Hard to take the guy who made my sandwich seriously as an ""artisan"" when he seems so unperturbed by the way I rape his art"