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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm so tired I need to sleep. Ambien: Here I'll help... Hey don't forget to take off your clothes and pretend that you're snow! Me: K"

"What's yellow and smells of bananas? Monkey sick"

"ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'"

"If it weren't for double standards, some people would have no standards at all."

"What does a black man get after sex? 15 years - life in prison."

"[Wrench factory] BOSS: I'm proud to say it's been 250 days without an injury! WORKERS: *celebrate by tossing all the wrenches into the air *"

"Why was the blond late on her first day of work? Because she stopped taking the pill about a month earlier."

"Q: Where do hamburgers go to dance? A: To a meatball."

"The water drought in California is so bad, that someone broke into my cousins house and stole his waterbed."

"I visited Detroit recently. I love the smell of the ol' factories."