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Joke of the Day

"[Calling concert venues across the country] Hi yes, I'm just calling to let you know that on your website you spelled ""weekend"" incorrectly"

"I bet Nutritionist-Dieticians instagram the food pyramid a lot"

"Not To Brag Or Anything... I live near where Notorious B.I.G. was born and raised. Just a short walk over and I'm in front of his house. Took a picture. No biggie."

"[1st date] You're gonna love this place *pushes you out the passenger side door and drives away"

"If it ain't broke, I haven't borrowed it yet."

"What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster? A wake-up call!"

"What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside? ""Shomething'sh Amish..."""

"How many /r/jokes reposts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently a lot, because that lightbulb still isn't screwed in."

"Fey items are full of irony."

"Why do blck men cry when they make love to white women? Mace..."