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Joke of the Day

"How do you know your girlfriend is too young for you? You have to make airplane noises to put your dick in her mouth"

"When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body. Then I was born."

"[Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body"

"Which type of comedy leaves a hamburger cold? BITING humour!"

"...how is life in North Korea? I can't complain."

"Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan."

"I charged my phone, but I didn't have enough evidence to indict, so I had to let it go."

"Sleep with too many rich people and you can get Herpes"

"My longest relationship was when an Uber driver took me all the way to the airport once."

"What would you get if you crossed a vampire with a dwarf? A creature that sucks blood from your knees."